Ridiculous Euphemisms
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Ridiculous Euphemisms
What do you think are some of the most ridiculous euphemisms ever devised? I think some of the best are office-related due to the inherently distasteful and dehumanizing nature of daily work in a large, hierarchically structured office.
One of my favorites is "rightsize," a euphemism for downsize. ("We're not making the size of the company's workforce smaller... we're making it right!") The word downsize is already a euphemism for a layoff, which itself used to be a euphemism for termination of employment. Euphemisms can be ridiculous enough by themselves, but euphemisms layered on top of euphemisms? Now that's taking it to a whole new level!
We all know employees have strengths, but they do not have weaknesses--they have improvement opportunities.
We didn't screw up. We just have lessons learned for next time.
One of my favorites is "rightsize," a euphemism for downsize. ("We're not making the size of the company's workforce smaller... we're making it right!") The word downsize is already a euphemism for a layoff, which itself used to be a euphemism for termination of employment. Euphemisms can be ridiculous enough by themselves, but euphemisms layered on top of euphemisms? Now that's taking it to a whole new level!
We all know employees have strengths, but they do not have weaknesses--they have improvement opportunities.
We didn't screw up. We just have lessons learned for next time.
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
Scott Adams talks about this very euphemism in one of his books.Tortoise wrote: What do you think are some of the most ridiculous euphemisms ever devised? I think some of the best are office-related due to the inherently distasteful and dehumanizing nature of daily work in a large, hierarchically structured office.
One of my favorites is "rightsize," a euphemism for downsize. ("We're not making the size of the company's workforce smaller... we're making it right!") The word downsize is already a euphemism for a layoff, which itself used to be a euphemism for termination of employment. Euphemisms can be ridiculous enough by themselves, but euphemisms layered on top of euphemisms? Now that's taking it to a whole new level!
We all know employees have strengths, but they do not have weaknesses--they have improvement opportunities.
We didn't screw up. We just have lessons learned for next time.
"You're fired." (1980)
"You're laid off." (1985)
"You're downsized." (1990)
"You're rightsized." (1992)
I expect the trend to continue. You'll hear the following phrases used within the next five years:
"You're happysized!"
"You're splendidsized!"
"You're orgasmsized!"
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
Collateral Damage = Innocent people getting blown up
Value Proposition = We would like you to buy what we are selling
Centers of Excellence = Small towns where we set up call centers because the people there will work for minimum wage
The "Optics" of a Situation = We are concerned that people are going to see what we are really trying to do
Value Proposition = We would like you to buy what we are selling
Centers of Excellence = Small towns where we set up call centers because the people there will work for minimum wage
The "Optics" of a Situation = We are concerned that people are going to see what we are really trying to do
Q: “Do you have funny shaped balloons?”
A: “Not unless round is funny.”
A: “Not unless round is funny.”
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
Politically Incorrect - Probably simply incorrect
Working Class - People least likely to want to work (though I'm still a bit of a populist... I just see this as a bs term when some of the richest people out there work 60 hour weeks their entire life).
Values Voter - Someone whose moral compass is dictated by a fairy tale book, their parents' biases, and a reactionary preacher.
Working Class - People least likely to want to work (though I'm still a bit of a populist... I just see this as a bs term when some of the richest people out there work 60 hour weeks their entire life).
Values Voter - Someone whose moral compass is dictated by a fairy tale book, their parents' biases, and a reactionary preacher.
"Men did not make the earth. It is the value of the improvements only, and not the earth itself, that is individual property. Every proprietor owes to the community a ground rent for the land which he holds."
- Thomas Paine
- Thomas Paine
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
Of course, nobody can wordsmith quite like the military
aerodynamic personnel decelerator parachute
emergency exit light flashlight
multidirectional impact generator hammer
intrafibrous friction fastener hammer
Attacked the enemy on all sides ambushed
Rotatable hexiform compression unit nut
Meal Ready to Eat (MRE) dried food or C-Ration
Hard landing crash
Engaged the enemy on all sides ambushed
area denial munitions landmines
operational exhaustion shell shock
pacify subdue by force
Engagement battle.
aerodynamic personnel decelerator parachute
emergency exit light flashlight
multidirectional impact generator hammer
intrafibrous friction fastener hammer
Attacked the enemy on all sides ambushed
Rotatable hexiform compression unit nut
Meal Ready to Eat (MRE) dried food or C-Ration
Hard landing crash
Engaged the enemy on all sides ambushed
area denial munitions landmines
operational exhaustion shell shock
pacify subdue by force
Engagement battle.
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
In the military I attended probably a million meetings. After a few years I developed my own version of word Bingo. My scorcard used expressions like:
call out
ramp up
wingman
pushback
outside the box
plan for excellence
the bottom line
cover up
I guess the last one in the list is more of a trite expression rather than a true euphemism.
call out
ramp up
wingman
pushback
outside the box
plan for excellence
the bottom line
cover up
I guess the last one in the list is more of a trite expression rather than a true euphemism.
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
Task Saturation = I have too much to do
Q: “Do you have funny shaped balloons?”
A: “Not unless round is funny.”
A: “Not unless round is funny.”
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
As a general rule I hate most business books and the buzzwords they spawn. I've had to put up recently with this one:
Pivot
Aka: We screwed up and need to change direction.
Pivot
Aka: We screwed up and need to change direction.
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
Within higher ed, I am constantly being asked by upper administrators to explore achieving greater "educational efficiency" from my science faculty. This is a less than subtle nudge to offer more online courses.
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
Sadly, I had to attend all of the following plus the numerous flight, squadron, and group weekly meetings (probably 10 more meetings in total).SteveGo wrote: Attended a million meetings = Believe me if I just make up stuff
Aerospace Medicine Council Sq Flt CC Meeting
Base Unit Deployment Manager Meeting Threat Working Group
Federal Employee Compensation Act mgt Infection Control Committee
Environment of Care Committee Patient care Operations Course
Cost Center Managers Meeting Confined Space Work Group
Occupational Health Working Group Unit Safety Meeting
Local Emergency Planning Committee Water Mgt Working Group
Toxics (Lead/asbestos) Working Group Wg Readiness Working Group
Environmental Compliance Subcommittee Water Mgt Working Group
Environmental Compliance Subcommittee Facility Utilization Board
Spill Prevention and Response Work Group ERAA Board
Hazardous/ Special Waste Working Group Energy Steering Committee
Force Protection Working Group Disaster Team Chiefs
Exercise Evaluation Team meeting Flight team meeting
Medical Readiness Staff Function Meeting OJT Monitors Meeting
Exercise Evaluation Team meeting Antiterrorism Working Group
Volunteer protection program (VPP) mgt HSMR meeting
Wing Unit Deployment manger Mgt Squadron/Gp Budget mgt
Readiness Skills Verification meeting ESOHCAMP Working Group
Emergency Working Group OJT Monitors Meeting
OJT Monitors Meeting
Environmental Safety & Occupational Health Committee
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
I like MT's mention of collateral damage. That has to be one of the most disturbing euphemisms ever invented.
Here are some dating-related euphemisms that amuse me:
"We need to talk" = We need to have a 2-hour argument. I've compiled a laundry list of reasons why I'm pissed off at you, and I'm going to bring them up one by one.
"I think we should take a break"/"I think we should spend some time apart" = We're finished. In fact, I already have a new boyfriend lined up--you just don't know it yet.
"Our decision to split up was mutual" = I lost interest in him, then my resentment caused me to drive him so crazy with criticism and fights that he eventually agreed that splitting up was a great idea.
"He's a really nice guy" = I will never sleep with him. But I'll sleep with his tattoo-covered cousin who acts like a jerk. I just can't figure that guy out, and for some strange reason it really turns me on!
Here are some dating-related euphemisms that amuse me:
"We need to talk" = We need to have a 2-hour argument. I've compiled a laundry list of reasons why I'm pissed off at you, and I'm going to bring them up one by one.
"I think we should take a break"/"I think we should spend some time apart" = We're finished. In fact, I already have a new boyfriend lined up--you just don't know it yet.
"Our decision to split up was mutual" = I lost interest in him, then my resentment caused me to drive him so crazy with criticism and fights that he eventually agreed that splitting up was a great idea.
"He's a really nice guy" = I will never sleep with him. But I'll sleep with his tattoo-covered cousin who acts like a jerk. I just can't figure that guy out, and for some strange reason it really turns me on!
Last edited by Tortoise on Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
Tortoise, did you forget "it's not you, it's me..."?
"Well, if you're gonna sin you might as well be original" -- Mike "The Cool-Person"
"Yeah, well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man" -- The Dude
"Yeah, well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man" -- The Dude
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
Huh? You mean people who say that don't really mean it??jmourik wrote: Tortoise, did you forget "it's not you, it's me..."?
Wow... I need to sit down
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
synonyms for ridiculous: ludicrous - laughable - absurd - funny - comicalMediumTex wrote: Collateral Damage = Innocent people getting blown up
Your description of the true meaning of collateral damage is right on MT but I don't think it is ridiculous
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
By the way, has anyone here ever had someone say the exact words "it's not you, it's me" to them during a break-up? It's never happened to me, and I've never said it to anyone.Tortoise wrote:Huh? You mean people who say that don't really mean it??jmourik wrote: Tortoise, did you forget "it's not you, it's me..."?
Wow... I need to sit down
It's interesting to me that the statement is a very well-known cliché in our culture, yet I have a sneaking suspicion those words are uttered only in movies and TV shows for comedic effect.
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Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
The true facts
New and improved
But nothing can beat the genius of Steve Jobs:
New and improved
But nothing can beat the genius of Steve Jobs:
How To Be a Genius: This Is Apple’s Secret Employee Training Manual
http://gizmodo.com/5938323/how-to-be-a- ... ing-manual
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Fh43ceXJ78
Financial Freedom --> Time Freedom --> Lifestyle Freedom
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
military are the best on this section.. there is not doubt.FarmerD wrote: Of course, nobody can wordsmith quite like the military
aerodynamic personnel decelerator parachute
emergency exit light flashlight
multidirectional impact generator hammer
intrafibrous friction fastener hammer
Attacked the enemy on all sides ambushed
Rotatable hexiform compression unit nut
Meal Ready to Eat (MRE) dried food or C-Ration
Hard landing crash
Engaged the enemy on all sides ambushed
area denial munitions landmines
operational exhaustion shell shock
pacify subdue by force
Engagement battle.
Last edited by S. Slate on Tue Jun 11, 2013 6:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
task saturation = very busyS. Slate wrote:military are the best on this section.. there is not doubt.FarmerD wrote: Of course, nobody can wordsmith quite like the military
aerodynamic personnel decelerator parachute
emergency exit light flashlight
multidirectional impact generator hammer
intrafibrous friction fastener hammer
Attacked the enemy on all sides ambushed
Rotatable hexiform compression unit nut
Meal Ready to Eat (MRE) dried food or C-Ration
Hard landing crash
Engaged the enemy on all sides ambushed
area denial munitions landmines
operational exhaustion shell shock
pacify subdue by force
Engagement battle.
Q: “Do you have funny shaped balloons?”
A: “Not unless round is funny.”
A: “Not unless round is funny.”
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Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
A great old thread.
tactical investing
tactical investing
Sam Bankman-Fried sentenced to 25 years
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
Well, apparently "Funemployment" is a thing now. You're good.FarmerD wrote: I expect the trend to continue. You'll hear the following phrases used within the next five years:
"You're happysized!"
"You're splendidsized!"
"You're orgasmsized!"
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
Ah, yes. I did enjoy this thread. A few more military-related terms I've heard in the business world recently:
"How engaged are your employees?": To what extent do your employees not hate their jobs?
"To engage with the customer": To talk with the customer (I guess talking with the customer often resembles battle)
"In a holding pattern": Doing nothing / no change
"How engaged are your employees?": To what extent do your employees not hate their jobs?
"To engage with the customer": To talk with the customer (I guess talking with the customer often resembles battle)
"In a holding pattern": Doing nothing / no change
Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
Near Miss = Near HitTortoise wrote: Ah, yes. I did enjoy this thread. A few more military-related terms I've heard in the business world recently:
"How engaged are your employees?": To what extent do your employees not hate their jobs?
"To engage with the customer": To talk with the customer (I guess talking with the customer often resembles battle)
"In a holding pattern": Doing nothing / no change
Q: “Do you have funny shaped balloons?”
A: “Not unless round is funny.”
A: “Not unless round is funny.”
- dualstow
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Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
yes! I hate that one.Tortoise wrote:
"To engage with the customer": To talk with the customer (I guess talking with the customer often resembles battle)
Sam Bankman-Fried sentenced to 25 years
- dualstow
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Re: Ridiculous Euphemisms
To the gentleman who posted the (now deleted?) question about patient (noun and adjective), they are in fact etymologically related.
I can see where you would view the noun as a euphemism. Makes sense!
I can see where you would view the noun as a euphemism. Makes sense!
Sam Bankman-Fried sentenced to 25 years