Ad Orientem wrote: ↑Sat Oct 03, 2020 10:00 pm
Late to this thread. Sorry, life has been getting interesting and busy for me (not your kind of interesting), but yeah. So I am just gonna second what everybody else has said. My sister works with the mentally ill professionally and she is emphatic that getting involved on a romantic/emotional level with someone with serious issues like extreme mental illness, active drug/alcohol addictions etc., is a recipe for disaster. You have learned a lesson with a lot less pain than might have been the case. Take a day or two to lick your wounds and have a stiff drink. And then carry on.
My circle of friends, most of whom have met Kerry, agree with your assessment. Heavy drinking, smoking, drug use, probably borderline personality disorder, history of violence, the whole nine yards.
But I think I'm worse because for whatever reason I was attracted to this person. What's the psychological mechanism? The allure of the dangerous and the dramatic? I'm not sure. People at work have commented on my changed behaviour the past couple of weeks. The trip to Edmonton took a financial toll. I lost a good chunk of productivity and I've been an emotional wreck. All that damage in just a couple short weeks!
Kerry definitely has dark things going on in her psyche that even I probably don't know about. I've seen her huddle in a corner with a bottle of tequila and a cigarette with a morose look I'll never forget. She can sometimes spend months without talking to anyone. She'll then suddenly flip and become super outgoing, then back again.
Having observed a lot of seemingly "normal" people who are chronically drawn to people who thrive on drama, I've noticed a pattern. The drama, like a movie with an absorbing plot, provides a welcome reprieve from stasis, boredom an directionlessness. Although uncomfortable and destructive, the drama fills a void, presenting a ready-made set of events, challenges, and crises that relieve the "normal" person from having to create his or her own day. It's a symptom of a greater inability to pick a direction in life and follow it.
Ad Orientem wrote: ↑Sat Oct 03, 2020 10:00 pm
Late to this thread. Sorry, life has been getting interesting and busy for me (not your kind of interesting), but yeah. So I am just gonna second what everybody else has said. My sister works with the mentally ill professionally and she is emphatic that getting involved on a romantic/emotional level with someone with serious issues like extreme mental illness, active drug/alcohol addictions etc., is a recipe for disaster. You have learned a lesson with a lot less pain than might have been the case. Take a day or two to lick your wounds and have a stiff drink. And then carry on.
My circle of friends, most of whom have met Kerry, agree with your assessment. Heavy drinking, smoking, drug use, probably borderline personality disorder, history of violence, the whole nine yards.
But I think I'm worse because for whatever reason I was attracted to this person. What's the psychological mechanism? The allure of the dangerous and the dramatic? I'm not sure. People at work have commented on my changed behaviour the past couple of weeks. The trip to Edmonton took a financial toll. I lost a good chunk of productivity and I've been an emotional wreck. All that damage in just a couple short weeks!
Kerry definitely has dark things going on in her psyche that even I probably don't know about. I've seen her huddle in a corner with a bottle of tequila and a cigarette with a morose look I'll never forget. She can sometimes spend months without talking to anyone. She'll then suddenly flip and become super outgoing, then back again.
BPD women can be very alluring.
You have read about that syndrome, right?
Ad Orientem wrote: ↑Sat Oct 03, 2020 10:00 pm
Late to this thread. Sorry, life has been getting interesting and busy for me (not your kind of interesting), but yeah. So I am just gonna second what everybody else has said. My sister works with the mentally ill professionally and she is emphatic that getting involved on a romantic/emotional level with someone with serious issues like extreme mental illness, active drug/alcohol addictions etc., is a recipe for disaster. You have learned a lesson with a lot less pain than might have been the case. Take a day or two to lick your wounds and have a stiff drink. And then carry on.
My circle of friends, most of whom have met Kerry, agree with your assessment. Heavy drinking, smoking, drug use, probably borderline personality disorder, history of violence, the whole nine yards.
But I think I'm worse because for whatever reason I was attracted to this person. What's the psychological mechanism? The allure of the dangerous and the dramatic? I'm not sure. People at work have commented on my changed behaviour the past couple of weeks. The trip to Edmonton took a financial toll. I lost a good chunk of productivity and I've been an emotional wreck. All that damage in just a couple short weeks!
Kerry definitely has dark things going on in her psyche that even I probably don't know about. I've seen her huddle in a corner with a bottle of tequila and a cigarette with a morose look I'll never forget. She can sometimes spend months without talking to anyone. She'll then suddenly flip and become super outgoing, then back again.
You had not prior provided us with all this detail about her. Now she seems like the women I have only encountered in movies! Finally, seems like you have been getting wise advice here that any further encounters with her will NOT end up as a net positive for you. YOU deserved FAR better! We can ALL attest to that!
Vinny
Above provided by: Vinny, who always says: "I only regret that I have but one lap to give to my cats." AND "I'm a more-is-more person."
Maddy wrote: ↑Sun Oct 04, 2020 6:11 am
Having observed a lot of seemingly "normal" people who are chronically drawn to people who thrive on drama, I've noticed a pattern. The drama, like a movie with an absorbing plot, provides a welcome reprieve from stasis, boredom an directionlessness. Although uncomfortable and destructive, the drama fills a void, presenting a ready-made set of events, challenges, and crises that relieve the "normal" person from having to create his or her own day. It's a symptom of a greater inability to pick a direction in life and follow it.
Too accurate. TOO ACCURATE.
I'm pretty a pretty straight arrow guy. No credit card debt, no drugs, minimal alcohol consumption, employed, no criminal record. I know that kind of life is what's best for me, and I know it's how to support my long-term goals. However, that allure of the drama...
yankees60 wrote: ↑Sun Oct 04, 2020 9:36 am
You had not prior provided us with all this detail about her. Now she seems like the women I have only encountered in movies! Finally, seems like you have been getting wise advice here that any further encounters with her will NOT end up as a net positive for you. YOU deserved FAR better! We can ALL attest to that!
Vinny
Incredibly heartwarming words that really help to mend the emotional bruises. Again, when I DO find the one I am hoping to see you and the regulars here at the wedding ceremony.
...Except for Kriegs since he specifically warned me not to invite him.
yankees60 wrote: ↑Sun Oct 04, 2020 9:36 am
You had not prior provided us with all this detail about her. Now she seems like the women I have only encountered in movies! Finally, seems like you have been getting wise advice here that any further encounters with her will NOT end up as a net positive for you. YOU deserved FAR better! We can ALL attest to that!
Vinny
Incredibly heartwarming words that really help to mend the emotional bruises. Again, when I DO find the one I am hoping to see you and the regulars here at the wedding ceremony.
...Except for Kriegs since he specifically warned me not to invite him.
When you do find the one you think is the real deal, please tell us before you do anything irrevocable.
Libertarian666 wrote: ↑Sun Oct 04, 2020 9:58 pm
When you do find the one you think is the real deal, please tell us before you do anything irrevocable.
Maddy wrote: ↑Sun Oct 04, 2020 6:11 am
Having observed a lot of seemingly "normal" people who are chronically drawn to people who thrive on drama, I've noticed a pattern. The drama, like a movie with an absorbing plot, provides a welcome reprieve from stasis, boredom an directionlessness. Although uncomfortable and destructive, the drama fills a void, presenting a ready-made set of events, challenges, and crises that relieve the "normal" person from having to create his or her own day. It's a symptom of a greater inability to pick a direction in life and follow it.
Too accurate. TOO ACCURATE.
I'm pretty a pretty straight arrow guy. No credit card debt, no drugs, minimal alcohol consumption, employed, no criminal record. I know that kind of life is what's best for me, and I know it's how to support my long-term goals. However, that allure of the drama...
Have you considered skydiving? Bull riding? Rock climbing? Roller coasters? Formula 1 racing? Eating raw eggs, raw oysters, alfalfa sprouts, and unwashed lettuce from Hati, live octopus, pufferfish? Vacationing in North Korea or Venezuela? Drama opportunities abound.
Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no help. Psalm 146:3
Smith1776 wrote: ↑Sun Oct 04, 2020 8:49 pm
Incredibly heartwarming words that really help to mend the emotional bruises. Again, when I DO find the one I am hoping to see you and the regulars here at the wedding ceremony.
...Except for Kriegs since he specifically warned me not to invite him.
WHAT
I don't remember doing that, but... it sounds like something I'd say. What about if you just threw a big dress-up party instead of getting married
Libertarian666 wrote: ↑Sun Oct 04, 2020 9:58 pm
When you do find the one you think is the real deal, please tell us before you do anything irrevocable.
How about going to a psychologist and working some of this out? Because I'm not convinced you have any idea how to find a good candidate for a life partner.
BTW how is getting therapy handled in Canada? Easy to get an appointment? Hard? What?
I Shrugged wrote: ↑Mon Oct 05, 2020 4:46 pm
How about going to a psychologist and working some of this out? Because I'm not convinced you have any idea how to find a good candidate for a life partner.
BTW how is getting therapy handled in Canada? Easy to get an appointment? Hard? What?
I am unconvinced regarding my ability to find the right partner as well. If it means anything, I have actually just signed up for regular counselling/therapist sessions as a result of this incident. Who knows how effective this will be in sorting out some of my issues and straightening out some of my negative idiosyncrasies. It is worth a shot, though.
It is easy to get access to therapy and counselling services in Canada. The cost can vary wildly from free to very expensive depending on the type of service you're actually looking for, their qualifications, and of course, what degree of coverage you happen to have.
The more I learn the more I realize how ignorant I am. I am also learning through my dating adventures just how differently everyone's brain seems to be wired. We're all so different, and to each of us our particular perspective is of course the one that comes off as being the most "normal" and rational.
Funny how this thread is a time capsule of how I was feeling in the past. Missing her today, but in a much better place than I was in the OP that's for sure. 12am here... goodnight everyone!
